Walk the dinosaur
by Emerald has been Cumberbatched
Summary: They say a terrible creature roams the forest. Ariadne didn't think she would encounter it...but she does. CRACK. EXTREME CRACK. CRACK CRACK CRACK. DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.


**Author's note: THIS IS EXTREME CRACK. LIKE VERY VERY CRACKY. **

***Ehem* So this is in response to a troll review I have received from one of my fics. It wasn't very nice and spelt a lot of things wrong. Including the words "Ariadne" and "Jagoras" the most amusing being Jagoras being spelt as "Jagasorus" which brought me in mind of a two headed dinosaur with Jason and Pythagoras' heads. **

**So yeah this is where this fic came from. **

**Thanks to Abbi for the maths equation. I cannot do maths to save my life :D**

* * *

"rawr" the Dinosaur lifted its head up, sniffing the air In search of prey. Ariadne crouched frightened and scared and prayed to the gods for her safety.

She had never encountered this creature before. Her family had made references to it before of course but she had thought they were just stories, fables told to frighten young kids and make them go to bed.

Her family called it a Jagasaurus, a creature that had a body of a dinosaur and the heads of two men. They say the gods cursed the men into being the creature after they had spelt the names of some of the gods wrong. It was a grave punishment indeed.

As Ariadne crouched low, trying to slow her breathing, she heard the dinosaur coming closer and closer. She could hear it as it talked.

"Mmmmm I smell meat" the dark haired head said. His eyes roamed hungrily "Smaug will not have this feast. It will be ours"

"You must remember though that she must pass my maths test in order to survive" said the fair haired head. The dark haired head sighed and rolled his eyes "very well" he said in an agitated tone. He'd much rather be eating her.

Ariadne felt her heart quicken MATHS? She was terrible at maths! How would she survive?

She didn't have time to think anything else as the dinosaur loomed over her. She let out a squeak as the dinosaur's heads leaned towards her. She was caught!

"YOU THERE! WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO THIS MATHS QUESTION? "A triangle has a hypotenuse of 9cm and adjacent side of 6cm, what is its area?" The fair haired head asked her.

Ariadne looked into the creature's cold cold eyes and tried to smile sweetly "69?" she asked softly.

The creature looked at her with a raised eyebrow then turned to its other head and began to laugh. Its laughter shook the very trees themselves.

"Wrong answer" The fair haired head said softly "game over"

And with that the dark haired head leaned down and snatched Ariadne into the air. It's teeth looked human but they were razor sharp so when it clamped down onto her waist its teeth broke her In half. Her entrails spilled out of the creature's mouth and down its neck. She gargled and gasped as blood ran down her mouth. The dark haired head began to chew and chew and chew until he had swallowed Ariadne whole.

When the creature was done it let out a satisfied sigh and patted its belly with stubby little arms "she was delicious" he said in a happy tone of voice. The fair haired head rolled his eyes "why do you always get the best bits and I'm always stuck with the entrails" it said unhappily as he looked at the length of intestine left for him to eat. The other head laughed "oh grow up, you still get to eat it, we're sharing the same body after all"

The fair haired head had to agree to that.

* * *

After they were done, they went back to their little cave, where a local man named Anderson was waiting. He had stumbled upon the dinosaur while walking through the woods and they had kept him as a pet. He didn't really mind. He loved his job.

They entered their cave and sighed in contentment. Peace at last.

That was until they heard a thud from outside. They looked up in alarm but Anderson poked his head round the cave wall and said "it's okay guys, it's just Sherlock practicing his diving skills"

Afterwards, they settled down to sleep with their stomach full of royal princess.

* * *

**Author's note: Just to be clear, killing Ariadne was not because I don't like the character but because the nice reviewer wanted Jariadne. So here's cannibalistic Jariadne. **

**Also, my dear reviewer, there are some Jariadne fics on here which are good, why you felt the need to read Jagoras when you don't like it is beyond me. **


End file.
